Thank you for taking a moment to visit my page. My name is Crystal and I’m excited to share a little about myself, my journey and why I started a blog along with what I intend to create with this blog. My life, like so many others, has contained a series of traumatic moments that had left me broken in many ways. At six, I was molested by my abusive babysitters teenage son. I was raised by a single mother with mental illness, drug and alcohol addictions and most times, in poverty, constantly moving, sometimes to rat or mold infested homes. Along with that came mental, emotional and physical abuse. There were times of no food, no heat in harsh NorthEast winters and no new clothes or shoes that fit as I was growing. I have a father who couldn’t be bothered, having spent most of his time in bars, strip clubs, on motorcycles and bouncing from woman to woman, most of which were much younger while having little to no part of my life, barely involved in anything. He was good at making empty promises though. He lives a comfortable lifestyle while complaining about money or that he had to pay twenty five dollars a week in child support throughout my upbringing that he also fought to get back after I turned eighteen. With my mothers lifestyle the way it was, it left her making poor choices and spending time amongst others who are not of the best interest. She had been arrested multiple times and spent time in jail while I was a teenager leaving me at home to help raise a four year old half-sister. She was very sexually promiscuous, violent and erratic, often threatening suicide or telling me I should have been aborted. But the worst of it, was my teenager/young adult stepfather sexually assaulting me. (I say teenager/young adult because he was seventeen when they started dating and eighteen when they were married. She was in her mid to upper thirties) She knew he was acting in an inappropriate way in some aspect and chose to ignore it. Then it came to light what was really going on. I never received any comfort, only accusations that I, being fourteen when she found out, was having sexual relations with him intentionally. Following that I was sexually assaulted by her friend repeatedly for months and I never told her. And school was no better, being constantly bullied. My mother was in prison when I turned eighteen but shortly after her release, I left home.

During high school through to my mid twenties, I was acting out, or should I say “re-acting out” to what I had been through. I held on to anything that made me feel good. I smoked, drank, and did drugs. Thankfully drug and alcohol addiction never grabbed hold. I stole, cheated and lied. I became sexually promiscuous. I spent carelessly leaving myself in debt at a young age. But I did work and I worked hard and made sure I always got there and/or had a car. I attempted college for Criminal Justice and was discouraged when a professor said that if anyone had criminals for parents, they could never obtain a career in the field, so I dropped out. Years later I would find out that’s not true.

I hurt some, burned some bridges and added on to my own pain unbeknownst to me.

I do not share this brief summary of my life (and believe me, there’s more) for pity. I share it to let you know, I get it. I’ve been there too. We all have a story and pain. No one person’s story is better or worse than another’s because we all experience emotions and trauma differently. I share because, just like we all handle physical, emotional, mental and yes, spiritual pain in our own unique way, we also experience our path to healing and recovery in a deeply personal and profound way. Whether it is therapy or AA. Church, mentor or a teacher of some kind. Everyone has a right and an obligation even to try as many roads back to themselves as necessary. Working through and understanding our trauma is essential to fully being able to enjoy life and love while stepping into our authentic selves. Am I there yet fully myself? No. But I am working on it still everyday and I understand the process, where I am and what I need to do. Where I am now is exponentially better then where I was before I started my healing journey and while I have moments of breakdown and breakthrough still, I am thoroughly enjoying the process. This is why I started this blog. I wanted, no, needed to share this part of my journey. If one piece of information could be of help to one person, then it’s worth it.

The start of my healing journey and transformation began completely by surprise and I wasn’t even trying nor understood what was happening. I was twenty five, Assistant Manager at a retail store that I enjoyed, had some wonderful friends and had recently started dating my now husband, Shawn. I was living with my grandmother who was helping me get back on my feet and I was taking some General Study courses at the local college. A girlfriend of mine was looking for a change in her life and was telling me about a local Massage Therapy school in town and she wanted to check it out. I told her to go for it and I would drive her. She made the appointment and we went. The minute I walked in, I fell in love. The woman who greeted us, Joanne, was so warm and welcoming. The smell and feel of the place was calming and comforting. She gave us a tour and explained everything to us. When we left, my friend wasn’t hundred percent sold, but I was almost. It wouldn’t leave me. I told other friends about it, my grandmother and Shawn. They all agreed it sounded like my thing and if I felt that strongly, I should go for it. Shawn even offered to help me. We scheduled another appointment, met back with Joanne and filled out my applications and financial paperwork. I was thrilled and everything would change for me. Shortly after starting school, I would learn about Reiki. My Massage Therapy instructor was also a Reiki Master. He explained one day what Reiki was and asked if anyone was interested, he would hold a weekend course and that we could also see him for Reiki sessions. I was again interested and signed up for Reiki level 1 and scheduled a private session. For those who do not know, Reiki is a Japanese technique for stress reduction and relaxation that also promotes healing. You gently lay hands on or just above the body in a series of positions with the intent to guide life force energy. When my Reiki level 1 class arrived, I was amazed by everything. I loved the history, the symbols, all of it. When you learn Reiki, a Reiki Master passes on symbols to you. There are three levels of Reiki ( and other styles of Reiki, but that’s for another post) and depending on the level you are depends on the extent on which you can offer Reiki and for what situation. Level 1 essentially “turns on” Reiki for you and you can then offer Reiki to clients to an extent. You are supposed to do Reiki on yourself and there is a cleansing period after your initial symbols are introduced to you. When I sat in that dark, candlelit room with spa music playing and received my symbols, it literally felt like the top of my head was opening up, which is where the symbols are passed through. My Crown Chakra felt tingly, I had chills all over, and the best way I can describe it, is when the symbols were being passed through, my eyes were closed and it was dark, but I could “see” like a static snow passing before me behind my eyes. And by static snow, I mean how tv’s used to look back in the day if a cable channel was out and it was all “snowy”. And for those who may not know, a Chakra is a point of physical or spiritual energy in the human body. The Crown Chakra is a point on the top of your head. Following my Reiki level 1 attunement, as it’s called when you receive symbols, the next few nights and days were interesting to say the least. I was tired during the day, crying for long periods of time, thirsty and at night I was having vivid dreams and waking up thinking I was hearing knocking at the front door to find nobody was there. I told my Reiki/Massage instructor and he told me that was energy and spirit knocking to come in and give me messages in my dreams and I was releasing with all the crying. Following this, I would have my Reiki sessions with my teacher. He of course followed the hand positions laid out in Reiki but he also focused Reiki on the Chakras to unblock them. Each Chakra point is associated with different physical, spiritual and emotional aspects of a person. Certain Chakras he focused on would be hot feeling, almost burning. And others cold. But some, I became nauseous and almost threw up, but the biggest thing, I would cry. I just couldn’t help it. Anger and sadness would come up. Specific memories and I would just cry. I would then sleep after I came home and wake up feeling “lighter” emotionally. Tension in my body and mind would be lessoned that I didn’t even know was there. I became a believer and continued sessions with my teacher privately and would do Reiki on myself. I would eventually go on to receive my Reiki level 2 attunements and become a Reiki Master. In the future I plan to learn new styles of Reiki.

While all this was going on, Shawn and I moved in together. Within a year after, my grandmother passed away and while cleaning out her home, I brought home some books of hers that were spiritual in nature. How to find your spirit guides and such. My Grandmother was a Christian woman but also very interested in Alternative Health and other aspects of the Spiritual and Metaphysical world. During my time of reading those and doing the meditations (some came with cd’s of meditations), I came across while watching a daytime talk show, a man by the name of Dr. Wayne Dyer. I was immediately drawn in to his voice, his gentle words and his message of love, healing and self help. I researched him and started listening to him and his audiobooks which led me to many more self help teachers, spiritual in nature, such as Louise Hay, which opened the door to me about affirmations, intention and so on. I had graduated from Massage School, found a job doing massage and left my retail job. Being among like minded people was amazing. I was happy, felt like I had direction and was slowly understanding that I had repressed pain and trauma in my body that was slowly peeling away layer by layer like an onion. I was working hard in all areas of my life and was even starting to do cleanses and detoxes. I had quit smoking at the beginning of Massage School and trying to get all health in order.

During this phase of my life, My Aunt had come for a visit and we were out having coffee when she started telling me about her recent pilgrimage to the Isle of Iona in Scotland. She is also spiritual in nature and participated in all sorts of different ventures. She gave me a stone from the shores of the Isle of Iona and proceeded to tell me about a women’s retreat she was a part of, up by me with like minded women and quite a few of them went to together on this Pilgrimage. She wasn’t sure if I was into that sort of thing and I said I would love to go. So I signed up for my first weekend women’s spiritual retreat. The connection I felt that weekend, and the women I met will stay with me forever. The workshops, the meditations, the sisterhood and the releasing ceremonies were some of the best experiences ever. I learned so much and to see women share their pain and their stories opened me and my heart up in a way I didn’t know I could. I would continue to go to the women’s retreats yearly and eventually would help facilitate them. They are some of the best memories of my life and l learned about my own personal power there.

From meeting people along the way I kept inevitably meeting more and more like minded people. Eventually I would meet a woman, Linda, who would become a private spiritual teacher for me for awhile. Through her, I learned to focus and channel my natural psychic intuition and would learn the many tools to do so. I would also start to venture in some ghost hunting/spirit investigations, learning to work with the energies and spirits of the environment around me.

I would eventually marry, buy a home and have a daughter following shortly after with the world shutting down from Covid and all that came with that. For those years, I wasn’t as externally active in all that I had been previously, but I was internally. I would continue to read, do Yoga, study, do self Reiki, meditate and take classes and workshops from home in areas of Shiatsu, Tuning Forks, Ayurveda as well as other programs. I am currently enrolled in a Holistic Life Coaching program and have many more programs, courses and certifications in my future I am looking forward to.

So, what I intend to bring about is to share. Share it all. Whether it’s the Holistic Health field, Metaphysical, Spiritual, Esoteric and so on. I intend to post a variety of information to meet all areas of interest, from posts, meditations, printouts etc… I am very eclectic in that I am interested and fascinated by it all. I do not believe in a one size fits all approach. An individual can and I would even go as far as saying, should, pull from many aspects of all that is available, past, present, future and from all forms and styles of information from all over the planet and universe. To think there is only one way, or one “right” way does no service to anyone. We should be open, accepting and willing to try and do what needs to be done, no matter how it may seem to others, to bring about our healing, our souls purpose and change so that we may be and live our highest authentic self and then be of service to others as well. There will always be those who do not agree or pass judgement. But that is in anything in life and they have their own areas to work out. Your purpose is you and your mental, physical and spiritual health and what you want to bring to the world, no matter how big or small. I hope you follow along with me on this journey. Take what information you need that will be an investment to yourself or to others.

Peace & Light ~Crystal